The Cold of Winter

Hi lovely readery peoples, how has your January gone so far? Sadly for me, mine hasn't really got started due to the dreaded cold, flu and general all round sickness which has made bed seem like the best location in the world and soup more appealing than sex with chocolate on top, well, only when the cold relief capsules and sinus spray haven't kicked in.

Over Christmas I came down with something that was more of a bad cold than a flu, I tried to kill it off with whiskey and cold relief medication and this either contributed to it's downfall or the virus realised it had a problem and checked in to AA then took up religion. So, as it turned out, I was just feeling better the week after New Years. I got a good week of a fully functioning face without leaks and I even joined another gym with Norngirl. We're not total newbies to the gym but we'd only ever joined our local council one before and now we're attending a cheaper but much shinier one in town. We've made it 3 times so far and there are some fun looking machines to bend you every which way but the the treadmill is still my favourite and this one is very cool... literally, they all have in built fans with 3 settings. It's like running through the streets especially since they have several in the windows looking over the square.

Then from no where came along the reformed virus, born again from the afterlife and looking to convert my cells. *blaaaaaaarrgurghhhhhh*. The day after our 3rd trip, I got the start of a sore throat, that turned into a head cold. By Thursday it had me falling asleep at my mother-in-laws house after work and I dropped into my bed at home soon after 8pm. If I'm in bed without wife or laptop before 11pm at night there is usually something amiss. A long night of fever and sweats followed.

As an undiagnosed idiot (at least not legally) who doesn't wish to be penalised by his workplace for having the audacity to be off sick when I am actually sick, you know, just in case I'm actually sick again later in the year with something I can't physically walk with - I went to work anyway (everyone else does). I felt oddly alert that first day but I think that was more to do with the caffeine in the cold relief capsules, the plentiful supply of snack sized Haribo and throat lozenges that I was using as an aid to create a hole in my neck to get some air in my lungs. Ta Santa! Friday was a harder slog and I was far off the mental and physical pace but each night I had chance to recuperate and I got the work done I had to do.

By the weekend I could narrow it down, it seems I had caught myself some seasonal flu, aka man flu, that scourge of the male psyche, maybe a viral pathogen dreamt up by a pharmaceutical entrepreneur who had gone through a bad break up with a man and wanted revenge and to also make millions of dollars in the process by selling relief that involved making men visit chemists.
I wonder if there will be a mad scientist one day who will come onto a show like Dragons Den and ask for all their money under the condition that otherwise that they will release 'Women's flu' into the populous. No doubt the money lenders will all be sceptical and ask for a demonstration then all we'll see is Deborah stating that she must keep working as she falls asleep drooling phlegmy saliva onto her pile of cash.

So yeah, so far it's not been a brilliant start to the year. Norngirl is under the weather too health-wise. So we're hoping we get well soon and can kick start 2011 again.
On the positive side. With half a month of 2011 gone, one of the vaguely held bucket list of to-dos is ticked off with getting back to a gym, it's stereotypical timing but I won't let that deter us try to look after our health since I'll be happy to not have a face full of snot at some point. One thing that has been surprising, but in retrospect understandable, is the amount of times I've burnt my tongue with hot liquids. Being slightly doped up with the cold relief - a little out of it with the symptoms of the flu and the amount of hot drinks and soups consumed - it all stands to reason. But it's still a stupid thing to do to yourself, a life lesson to be learnt there somewhere.

Other positive news is that we're getting stuck into some DVD box-sets, namely all of the Benidorm seasons which we finished on Sunday and now can't wait for the next season (RIP Mel of course). Next stop is digging our teeth into season 1 of Enterprise, 4 episodes in at the moment.
We know its the least popular of all the Star Treks but I haven't seen all of them and Norngirl is willing to give them a try, so we're going all out.

In other news, Dean the fish is still alive and swimming, the football season is going better than expected and we ran out of gas again... though Dean doesn't mind, he quite likes the cold. Hopefully my sinuses will let me stay out of the house for longer periods soon and I might have more than just the rest of the highlights from NYC to blog about :)

Feel free to post your stories or links to yours pages in the comments section about how your year has gone so far, hopefully you've had more luck than us so far!

Pukeology & a trip to see Dave Gorman at the Belfast Waterfront Hall.

Quick warning - This blog post contains descriptions of Pukeology, part of the theology surrounding the Toilet Gods and may not be suitable for the queasy. Thanks to Norn Girl and Dave Gorman it does have a happy ending, so do read on if you think you can stomach it...

It was Saturday, Somewhere Over the Rainbow finished and I ran up the stairs starting to feel the disconcerting lumpy mush enter my mouth via the back of my throat. There was no holding it back any more. It was now a race to see if I could make it in time to pray to the toilet bowl god and appease it, before its backup plans of sending me to work with a mop were enacted.

I should probably mention at this point that the TV show was not in anyway responsible for me vomiting, it was just bad timing. Saying that, I don't like poodles and I'm not 100% convinced Graham Norton's Labradoodle didn't have a role to play - too closely related to a poodle to be innocent! The more popular 'Pukeology' might be that a bug, aka 'the Boke Beast' had made its home within me and had marked my stomach with the number of the Puke, 444. And so, with a sound from beyond the U-bend , I found myself on all fours, four times and unable to get to sleep until 4am.

With the epic battle between the microbe army of the Toilet God and the pasta bake claimed by the Boke Beast's orders, now spreading into the sewers, Norn Girl fetched me a glass of water and looked out for me. My sleep was sporadic but I stayed in bed until after 1pm on Saturday. Feeling dehydrated and a bit inhuman, probably a side effect of the unearthly conflict that used me as its vessel, I made it downstairs and sat bleary eyed in-front of my laptop.

A few hours and a couple of litres of water passed. Norn Girl ran me a bath and made a mercy dash to the supermarket for me and made me a lovely bowl of mash, peas and carrots for dinner. A heavenly treat compared to the taste I had in my mouth a good 18 hours earlier.

We were running a little late for a visit to the Belfast Waterfront Hall at this point so we ordered a taxi. The trip was part of Norn Girls birthday present from her family, she brought me along and I'm so happy she did

The Taxi arrived and we jumped in, inside our heads we were playing out scenes from a movie and thinking 'FLOOR IT!'. The imaginary screen went blank and the lights came up. We pulled away at a very gentle pace. I tried to find my seatbelt plug but failed, the one I had managed to find didn't fit my belt clicker thing. I was repeatedly trying to get it to work in the feint hopes it would mould itself to fit. It turns out kids who sit in the back of modern cars have a seat belt that clicks in both sides and so, in the event of a crash it would support their chest instead of bending them in the middle making them turn into sideways stools for a second. With Norn Girls help, I finally saw the error of my ways and the buckle went into the new holder first time. I live and learn.

This had taken a good 30 seconds or more but we hadn't yet made it onto the main road... a journey of around 20 meters. Safety first - sure, but we were getting suspiciously close to being able to be accused of accessories to curb crawling - if there even is such an offence.

We did make it onto the main road eventually but only after several cautious checks. These repeated mirror checks continued. I thought our driver had maybe see some faint impression of a 444 on my forehead. He kept looking to his left, to the right, to the centre, over and over again, as if a ghost car might appear at any moment and try to ram us from the road. I've never seen a driver like this guy, especially a diver who drives for a living. Staying safe is one thing but this was verging on OCD, maybe it was? It was slightly off putting as a passenger though, it was like someone dancing to a beat you can't hear.

Ah well, we made it to the Waterfront and just in time. The tickets in our hands were to see the brilliantly funny comedian, Dave Gorman. With the buzzer thing going off we headed on up to take our seats for the start of the show. Dave was as friendly and enthusiastic as ever and gave us all so many laughs in his own brilliant and unique manner. Still feeling a little out of it as Dave took to the stage, it was only moments before the combination of having food in my belly, and us both lol'ing at his stories and jokes, that things were feeling good again and the smile on the inside was echoing the the smile on my face. In fact I found myself chortling and chuckling without much of a concern and for those couple of hours felt almost 100% again. Though much time had passed it was still over too quickly and we were soon heading past Dave who was meeting, greeting and signing in the foyer. On a related note, if you've any Genius ideas, Mr G is looking for them for his new series of Genius on BBC, click this link to go to the BBC Genius site if you have any, I'm still thinking!

Outside, it was a call for a another taxi to get us home. As we approached a car that had the signs of the taxi company we'd asked for a ride from, we realised we were headed towards a cab that looked quite familiar. After climbing in and with one smooth action of clicking in my seatbelt, I looked up. My eyes caught a now familiar cautionary glance. We'd managed to get the same driver and he was still looking out for the first sighting of a time travelling Delorean to appear!

It was another cautious drive home. A journey that gave plenty of time to continue the internalised giggling from the memory of the stand up but also at the fact this was the first car I've ever been in to have airline-like food trays with cup holders and also the only one I know that has these things covered in no-eating or drinking notices! Hope he didn't pay extra for them.

Finally home, smiling and free from the Boke Beast, it had been a great Saturday night. The beginning of a better weekend than had been expected, especially after it wasn't looking quite so rosy 24 hours earlier. Unless of course you count semi dissolved cherry tomatoes, those vibrantly red wonders stood out like a polar bear on an ice sheet - post a seal meal to go.