Random Google searches - 'voluntary stalking'?

After another long week at work and with my fiancée at the other side of the Irish sea, enjoying her weekend long hen party with the girls. I’ve had plenty of time to watch random TV, and loiter on the t’interwebs. Ok, so maybe I’ve not had the most wholesome time, all I’ve managed to do is choose my transfers for the fantasy football, to play online scrabble and complete another inquisitive but slightly nerdy task, that of looking through the Google search queries for my blog. Bemusing myself with the odd things that this here blog has been located by in the several months I’ve been typing here. Ok so it’s not exactly everyone’s idea of a great start to the weekend but it gave me a giggle!

With Christina Martin - occasional writer and comedian - leading the way (at least in my realm of reading about random search results beyond Googlewhacking), I thought I’d share some of the more random Google searches that have found my blog. Before I start, I’ll warn you they’re not quite as bizarrely random and as wonderfully absurd as those Christina found. After all, ‘comedian more powerful than jesus’ and ‘goose costume sale’ are searches worthy of awards let alone finding a blog – well that, or at least worthy of an explanation by the original search author.

So here goes... the first that caught my eye:

‘camera above the royal mail in belfast‘

I wonder if they were hoping to find if they could use it or if they were being watched? Maybe they were just hoping to find out if someone’s doing something about those letters that grow legs and make a run for it?

‘how to become a captain of a ship in ireland’

Ah this makes more sense, well – maybe. If it was possibly the same person as the camera query, and that person was going to be looking out for an important letter - it could easily be their Master Mariner’s licence they were trying to keep their eyes peeled for. Avast me hearties, I’ll be understanding!

‘belfast and northern island street directory ‘

Shiver me timbers! No wonder they wanted to be Captain. There might be treasure to be had if we can but find our way around the Northern Island... best set sail for Rathlin on high tide! Whilst we wait, here are a few more...

‘funny contact lenses in northern Ireland’

that hopefully didn’t result in the following search...

‘tragic stories blogs northern ireland‘

...and...

‘bargain buys vans on ebay no mot ni county down ‘

hopefully wasn’t anything to do with...

‘northern ireland explosive’

Then there were some people seemingly searching for the more random...

‘natalie imbruglia looks like carol vorderman’ - this is vindication of sorts, I knew I wouldn’t be alone in thinking that! Here's the explaination about the doppelgangering.

‘europe easter egg for kings ‘ – probably a DVD related search but I like the thought of an Easter egg fit for a King. I bet it’s like those kinder eggs you can get that have the giant toy inside... if I was a king I’d like one of those... but bigger! And then there were my two favourites...

‘huge statue of a lady in a bed in ireland’

I’m intrigued.  Does anyone know what they might have been looking for? If there isn’t one, I implore someone with more money than sense to make this a reality! I suspect they were the most disappointed to only find my blog.

And my overall favourite but also the search results I least wish to appear in...

‘voluntary stalking’

Sometimes you have to wonder what people are really looking for or if they’re just typing into a search box for the fun of it. When someone types in voluntary stalking, whats going on in their mind? Do they want to be stalked or are they looking for a consenting victim or are they looking for examples of such phenomenon - hopefully its the latter.

P.S. I am not volunteering for being stalked - no matter how many ‘funny contact lenses’ or ‘bargain buy vans on ebay no mot’ you might find my blog with! You might tempt me with ‘a huge statue of a lady’ but she has to be in bed and both she and the bed have to be in Ireland. You can send this via royal mail, a captain might be along to pick it up in the next few years if it needs importing and we’ll have someone watching to make sure it arrives at the sorting office ok. If you can fit it inside a European Easter Egg suitable for a king that would be awesome. Cheers!